The Gender Malfuction
by kritiasthegod
Summary: My second story, I hope you enjoy this one. In this story Sheldon and Howard will be girls. Sheldon's name will be Michelle and Howard's will be Hayley.


_**A/N: My second story, I hope you enjoy this one. In this story Sheldon and Howard will be girls. Sheldon's name will be Michelle and Howard's will be Hayley.**_

Michelle and Leonard were walking up the stairs to Apartment 4A.

Michelle: You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?

Leonard: Not really.

Michelle: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimetres, most people will trip.

Leonard: I don't care. Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right.

Michelle: No, it's true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, my father broke his clavicle.

Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?

Michelle: No, that was the result of my work with lasers.

Leonard: New neighbor?

Michelle: Evidently.

Leonard: Significant improvement over the old neighbour.

Michelle: Two hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition, yes she is.

Penny: Oh, hi!

Leonard: Hi.

Michelle: Hi.

Leonard: Hi.

Michelle: Hi.

Penny: Hi?

Leonard: We don't mean to interrupt, we live across the hall.

Penny: Oh, that's nice.

Leonard: Oh… uh… no… we don't live together… um… we live together but in separate, bedrooms.

Penny: Oh, okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbor, Penny.

Leonard: Leonard, Michelle.

Penny: Hi.

Leonard: Hi.

Michelle: Hi.

Penny: Hi.

Leonard: Hi. Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building.

Penny: Thank you; maybe we can have coffee sometime.

Leonard: Oh, great.

Penny: Great.

Michelle: Great.

Leonard: Great. Well, bye.

Penny: Bye.

Michelle: Bye.

Leonard: Bye.

Leonard: Should we have invited her for lunch?

Michelle: No. We're going to start Season Two of Battlestar Galactica.

Leonard: We already watched the Season Two DVDs.

Michelle: Not with commentary.

Leonard: I think we should be good neighbours, invite her over, make her feel welcome.

Michelle: We never invited Louis-slash-Louise over.

Leonard: Well, then that was wrong of us. We need to widen our circle.

Michelle: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on Myspace.

Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.

Michelle: That's the beauty of it.

Leonard: I'm going to invite her over. We'll have a nice meal and chat.

Michelle: Chat? We don't chat. At least not offline.

Leonard: Well it's not difficult, you just listen to what she says and then you say something appropriate in response.

Michelle: To what end?

Leonard: Hi. Again.

Penny: Hi.

Michelle: Hi.

Leonard: Hi.

Penny: Hi.

Leonard: Anyway, um. We brought home Indian food. And, um. I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect. Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.

Michelle: Leonard, I'm not expert here but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.

Penny: Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?

Leonard: Uh, yes.

Penny: Oh, that's so nice, I'd love to.

Leonard: Great.

Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?

Michelle: Watch star trek, and play video games.

Leonard: Okay, well, make yourself at home.

Penny: Okay, thank you.

Leonard: You're very welcome.

Penny: This looks like some serious stuff, Leonard, did you do this?

Michelle: Actually that's my work.

Penny: Wow.

Michelle: Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part there, that's just a joke, it's a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation.

Penny: So you're like, one of those, beautiful mind genius gals.

Michelle: Yeah.

Penny: This is really impressive.

Leonard: I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board.

Penny: Holy smokes.

Michelle: If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.

Leonard: What?

Michelle: Oh, come on. Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit broken hearted?"

Leonard: At least I didn't have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out.

Michelle: I didn't invent them, they're there.

Leonard: In what universe?

Michelle: In all of them, that is the point.

Penny: Uh, do you guys mind if I start?

Michelle: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.

Penny: So, sit next to me.

Michelle: No, I sit there.

Penny: What's the difference?

Michelle: What's the difference?

Leonard: Here we go.

Michelle: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion, I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

Penny: Do you want me to move?

Michelle: Well.

Leonard: Just sit somewhere else.

Michelle: Fine. _(Wanders in circles, looking lost.)_

Leonard: Michelle, sit!


End file.
